 Grieving a loved one’s passing is hard enough. When you have to grieve in solitude, without the emotional support of family members, it becomes much more difficult. We assume that when someone close to us dies, we’ll be there for the funeral, to join with relatives at a time when the bonds of family are most needed. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.
There are times when professional and personal responsibilities make it impossible to get away on short notice—or perhaps the location of the funeral is too far away and getting there is too expensive and time-consuming. Just because you can’t be there physically doesn’t mean the grieving process stops for you. Going through the catharsis of grief is part of the healing process; you need to cope with your thoughts, feelings, and the guilt you may be experiencing as you manage grief from a distance. Here are some ways to help you do that. https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/grief-and-loss/support/healing-and-cathartic-acts-after-death-loved-one Self-care Self-care is always an important aspect of your health—but even more so when you’re grieving. Self care strategies will help you stay mindful of your health through what is certain to be a difficult time. Engage in any activities that help you feel good physically and/or mentally. It could be something as simple as popping in a favorite movie, spending an hour or two at the gym, or engaging in a little retail therapy at the local shopping mall. http://mindfulnessandgrief.com/9-self-care-tips-for-grief/ http://www.rehabvillage.org/self-care-checklist-for-mental-and-physical-health/ Have a presence Just because you’re unable to attend the funeral doesn’t mean you can’t be involved, at least peripherally. Make a point of Facetiming or Skyping with family during this difficult time. There are other ways technology can help: Consider asking someone to stream the service via a private link on social media, so you can watch in real time and feel as though you’re present. It’s a free and fairly simple way to be involved and feel like you’re there. Or you might record yourself making a final goodbye to the departed that can be played during the service. https://www.dacast.com/blog/how-to-live-stream-an-event/ Accept your grief Being unable to attend the funeral creates a physical separation that only adds to an already painful situation. You may feel inclined to try and shut off your feelings—to deny your grief since you can’t be there in person. But, remember that denying grief under such circumstances will only make things worse. At some point, you need to vent your emotions so the healing can begin. The Neptune Society offers a free online program called “12 Weeks of Peace,” which is available as an email series (one each week), offering help that can be accessed anytime it’s needed. http://www.neptunesociety.com/new-home Offer your help Funerals can be chaotic events, and the bereaved are often overwhelmed by details at a time of great emotional vulnerability. Sometimes, a few phone calls and simple arrangements can make a big difference.Volunteer your time; offer to help pull together family photos or any video that could be used for remembrance presentations. Sometimes, the best way to cope with grief and guilt is to get active and do something that helps the ones you care most about. If you’re unable to get to the funeral, find out how you can help. Staying busy will help keep your mind off your grief and the reality of not being able to be there. https://nearsay.com/c/201124/94183/3-tips-to-help-organize-funeral-arrangements-with-your-loved-ones Image courtesy of Pixabay https://pixabay.com/en/cementerio-flor-cemetery-death-948048/ Janice Miller has been proactive in ensuring safety and security in her own community. She is concerned not just in the protection of properties but more importantly in the protection of lives and giving value to it. [email protected]
2 Comments
By Scott Sanders  There’s nothing easy about getting a terminal cancer diagnosis. Along with completely changing your day-to-day life, it can drain your physical, mental and emotional health, as well as your relationships and finances. And even if you have great health insurance, you’ll have unexpected costs to deal with. Coming up with a financial plan with your health care team beforeyou’re in financial trouble will bring you and your family a little peace of mind. Here are some things to consider when you’re preparing. Treatments Start by doing your research on the treatments your health care team recommends and how much they cost. Costsnot only vary between the different kinds of treatment, but also they can change with the length and location of treatment. It’s not uncommon for patients to have to choose a less expensive, less successful treatment over a more effective but unaffordable treatment. When you plan, be sure to factor in all the scenarios such as clinical visits, radiation treatments, hospital stays, home care, surgery, lab/imaging tests and other procedures or visits that may come up. You’ll also need to consider the costs of drugs. Prescription Drugs Prescriptions are costly. In fact, the high priceof cancer drugs hinders many patients from being able to afford their copay. While intravenous (IV) drugs in offices, clinics and hospitals are often covered by insurance, a growing number of patients are taking oral chemotherapy at home. These pill versions of the drugs are more convenient for the patient and typically work just as well, but most insurance policies won’t cover the costs for oral chemotherapy like they will the IV forms. It can cost thousands of dollars per month, and you usually have to pay for the drugs when you pick them up, rather than pay a bill at a later date. It’s vital you know how much you’ll have to pay for such treatment. Also, look into financial assistance programsoffered by certain drug manufacturers. Insurance Insurance can be confusing enough for any person, but it can be even more confusing for someone who is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Nonetheless, there are typically a few options availableand it’s important to choose the best provider and plan for your situation. Some people who have insurance through their employer can adjust their policy, some qualify for government-funded health care plans and others find it best to get their insurance through the marketplace. As you plan your treatments, factor your premium, deductible and copay into your decision, and make sure your plan pays for at least the majority of your cancer-related costs. Also, you want to make sure your treatments are in-networkwith your insurance provider. It’s impossible to plan for every unexpected cost, but consulting your health care team and carefully choosing an insurance plan will go a long way in getting you the most coverage. Personal Loans Another option you may have is to take out a personal loanto pay for unexpected medical expenses. The best thing about personal loans is their versatility. Many loans are able to finance expenses that aren’t directly connected to cancer treatments, such as credit card bills or other consumer debts. If you’re considering taking out a personal loan to cover cancer treatments, your credit score will determine your loan payment estimate and factoring your score into your plans will help shield you from bankruptcy. Choosing the right personal loan ultimately comes down to getting the best rate you can find (APRs typically range between 4.99% and 35.99%). Cancer is a scary and expensive diagnosis. Having a financial plan will do a lot in bringing you and your loved ones some peace. Get with your health care team to discuss the best path of treatment and the associated expenses. Explore every option for insurance plans, look into personal loans and factor in unexpected costs that are bound to arise. You may not be able to plan for everything, but it’s important to put you and your family in the best position possible. Photo Credit: Unsplash Scott Sanders is the creator of CancerWell.org, which provides resources and support for anyone who has been affected by any form of cancer. He is also the author of the book Put Yourself First: A Guide to Self-care and Spiritual Wellness During and After Cancer Treatment. It was so nice to win the award for Person of the Year-Texas 2016. Click on the image below to view the story!   What a blessing to share 9 years of Hospice experience and the results of my Doctoral Research! Presenting at this Conference by The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. My session is at 1 pm, Thursday October 15, 2015. Que bendicion el poder presentar mi Tesis Doctoral en esta Conferencia Nacional de Hospice: "Cultivando la Esperanza al Final de la Vida"  By Jasmine Aguilera- YES! MagazineCathedral of Hope isn’t a typical church in conservative North Texas. One large stained-glass window features the Spanish word “esperanza,” or “hope,” and below it, two conjoined Mars gender symbols and two conjoined Venus symbols. Rainbow flags fly high on the front lawn, and hundreds of gay marriages have been performed since the Supreme Court ruling in June. The Dallas church, which is a member of the United Church of Christ (UCC), loudly and proudly supports the LGBT community. It is one of hundreds of LGBT-affirming churches throughout the country, churches that were born out of oppression and marginalization, a history similar to black churches, says the Rev. Jeff Hood, minister of social justice at the cathedral’s Center of Hope for Peace and Justice. “The LGBT liberation experience is unique in some ways,” says Hood. “LGBT churches, in my opinion, exist to help people understand that sexuality exists on a spectrum, gender exists on a spectrum, and I think that by doing that they help us to go even further … I think these LGBT inclusive spaces help us to come together in a very particular way.” Cathedral of Hope claims to be the largest LGBT-affirming church in the United States. According to Hood, of the more than 2,000 church members, some 90 percent identify as gay or transgender. For staff at LGBT-affirming churches, the message is simple: God loves all equally. One of those in agreement is Alberto Magaña, who leads the church’s Spanish-speaking service. In order to pursue his dream of becoming a pastor, Magaña often had to hide that he was gay. He is originally from Mexico, where he said he was continuously harassed while attending seminary because of his sexual orientation. That struggle brought him to a seminary in Oregon and eventually to a church in San Francisco, where his bishop told him he would have to hide his sexuality in order to be a priest at the church, leading to depression, self-hatred, and a year of therapy. “Everything makes sense. I had to suffer all of those struggles and feel the abandonment and the rejection and judgment because now it’s easier for me to have more compassion for others who are going through the same,” says Magaña. Magaña’s time in therapy helped him decide to become public about his sexual orientation. He refused to stay closeted, which led him to Dallas eight years ago, where he found Cathedral of Hope. Magaña has been a pastor for three years at the church and leads the Sunday Spanish services. Hood thinks it makes perfect sense that Magaña would be forced to leave a liberal city like San Francisco, and be welcomed by a conservative city in Texas. “I always tell them that other cities aren’t religious enough,” he says. “Dallas is the perfect mix of secularity and religiosity. Dallas is a hybrid that can create a space like CoH.” Hood credits the Metropolitan Community Church for the growth of LGBT-affirming churches throughout the United States. MCC opened its doors in 1968 as an LGBT sanctuary and has since grown to about 300 churches in 22 countries. MCC is the first church group to develop a ministry with the primary goal of LGBT inclusivity. “MCC was often the only safe place people could turn to,” said the Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson, the global moderator at MCC. “We learned that our struggle for equality is similar to other struggles, and we grew quickly because of that.” MCC churches are located throughout the entire world, in large cities and in small towns and have grown out of the need to provide a haven for people who may have limited access to resources, says Wilson. Cathedral of Hope opened in 1970 as an LGBT-affirming church with MCC, but later became a member of the UCC. Hood believes that many religious groups are starting to welcome the LGBT community more than ever before as awareness continues to grow. Desert Heritage Church, a United Church of Christ affiliate in Mesa, Arizona, transitioned to LGBT-affirming in 2008. Its pastor, Paul Whitlock, says about a dozen of the church’s 80 members are gay or transgender. Whitlock helped oversee the transition, which he says was worrisome but necessary considering the church is located in what the Pew Research Center considers the most conservative large city in America. “Mesa is very conservative, both theologically and politically,” says Whitlock. “We lost some church members when we became an all- inclusive church, but we did welcome many more.” “A church of all places needs to be a safe place where people can be who God created them to be,” he says. Although the church does receive some hate mail occasionally from people around the country who found them on a gay church website, Whitlock says the rest of Mesa pretty much leaves the DHC alone. At Cathedral of Hope, things are different. Church members often see protesters outside who disagree with the church’s inclusive philosophy. Juan Lara, a Cathedral of Hope member who is gay, says the protesters don’t concern him. “I don’t think it’s their fault,” says Lara in Spanish. “I just hope that one day they stop and question whether what they believe right now is truly what they believe in their hearts, or if it’s just what they’ve been told to believe from the generations that came before them.” Magaña found his home at Cathedral of Hope. His voice gets louder and excited when he talks about discovering the church. “In this church, you can be who you are and you can celebrate who you are because you are a gift, you are a blessing,” he says. “We don’t have to lie to anyone. This is who we are.”
This is my baby, Harvey the Pug who is always ready to give me his unconditional love. |
Rev. Dr.
|
RSS Feed
